she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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