My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
