Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
