I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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