so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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