what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
