the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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