Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
