my phone needs a breathalizer
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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