Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
