break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
