I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
