I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
