Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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