This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
