Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Do you have feelings for this penis?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
