There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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