its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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