theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
