Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
