i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
