ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
