I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
