Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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