I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
