I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
