I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize