I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
