dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize