She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
