We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
