whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
