I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
