All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
