Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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