If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize