I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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