found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
