I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
