It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
