just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
