What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
