You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
