I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
