ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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