1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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