Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
