I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
