Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
