I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize