yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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