His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize