Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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