Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
