Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Randomize
