you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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