i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
