Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
