Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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