did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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