we have pet lesbian snakes
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
