She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize