does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
