hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
