I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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