i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
