I'm so fucking centered right now
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
