her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
