then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
