Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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