I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
