Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
